I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
