apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize