at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
