i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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