i love accidental penises.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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