We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
