it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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