put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
