Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize