you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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