If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
