Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize