he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
