I want to have your abortion
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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