He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Randomize
