he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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