very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
