You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
