This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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