you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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