I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
