then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
