I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
