Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
...so i touched it.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
no more duck duck goose at the bar
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
