for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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