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I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
