Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
