girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
