Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
