he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
