Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
My boob is missing a layer of skin
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
