i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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