before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
The adults are the big ones right?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
