i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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