Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
