you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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