u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
