NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
How does one acquire holy water?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
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