the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
