i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
