im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
