he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
