5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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