FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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