so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I touched a dick in church today
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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