i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
