Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize