I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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