So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize