I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
