Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize