I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Randomize
