party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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