One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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