words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
