So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
