matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
