You're my little dorito
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
