It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
