so explain again why im purple
no
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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