our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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