it wasn't lemon gatorade
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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