I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize