you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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