Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
