its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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