I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
