You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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