There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
