Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
