The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
