theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
