nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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