I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
