and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
