Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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