I'm pants shitting drunk right now
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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