he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
